jjncj.com - humor

Carpet One needs a copy editor

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 20:40:15 +0000

It isn't news that our national level of grammatical literacy is declining. It isn't news that a quickly jotted e-mail or text message will have improper grammar, or teeth gratingly obnoxious abbreviations (whts with that ne way? enuf already! kthnxbye!). It is somewhat notable however, when a chain with "over a thousand flooring stores worldwide" sends out an advertising postcard with a 2nd or 3rd grade grammar mistake.

[No comment]

With that in mind, click on the image to the right, and take a good, long look. Stare at it a while. While you're (that's a hint) staring at it, contemplate how many people worked on this invitation, planned it, thought about it, and viewed it before it was given the official OK to go to print. Imagine how many looked at it as they stuffed them into envelopes (eh, maybe that part was automated). Then, wonder with me, if you will, why no one in that entire process ever wondered why "YOUR" was missing an apostrophe and trailing "E."

And no, you can't blame this on Podunk Fairbanks: this store is a Worldwide chain. At least they say so on their web site.

I could go on, but I'm so flabbergasted I have nothing left to say.

[And yes, you better believe that I'm proof reading this entry very carefully. It would be the height of irony to have grammatical errors in a rant about grammar. And yes, this is posted under "humor" but it really is a tragedy.]

My favorite elephant joke(s)

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:48:40 +0000

These tickle me, for some reason.

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.

Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A: There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't shut.

Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.

Changing Urlife

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 07:57:39 +0000

Spam subject today:

"You have never thought that this could change urlife for better."

What is urlife? And why would I want to change it?

Yes, it was a spam for, ahem, "enhancements."

Boycotting

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 11:28:27 +0000

"I long ago determined that if I boycotted every company who did stuff that I find objectionable and/or reprehensible my only option would be to run off to the Yukon Territory and eat pine bark."
- "Dr. Cody" in a discussion on Slashdot about boycotting Johnson and Johnson for suing the American Red Cross. By the way, according to the source article, it would appear that the Red Cross, is, in fact, in the wrong. Stiff a funny quote, though.

"kthxbye?"

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 22:29:00 +0000

In my reading of the humorous programming languages LOLCode and LOLPython I came across the series of letters "kthxbye." Not being part of the "hip" crowd when it comes to abbreviating my speech, I had no clue what this meant. I plugged "kthxbye" into Google, and as I expected, the first result was a definition from the Urban Dictionary. The definition's closing sentiment, "Humanity is doomed," accurately reflects my thoughts about abbreviated words used in IM and text messaging.

kthxbye is a

shortening of "k thx bye". The K is short for OK, which is short for oll korrect, which is a facetious alteration of All Correct. thx is short for thanx which is a facetious alteration of thanks which is short for thank you. Bye is short for goodbye, which is an alteration of God be with you. "kthxbye" is the pinnacle of English's advancement, shortening "All correct, Thank you, God be with you." into seven lowercase letters. Humanity is doomed. Obviously, it is used to end a conversation fast that you don't want to be in anymore.

Oh! The Ambiguity!

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 23:08:34 +0000

As part of our previously mentioned yard cleanup, we pulled a pull-behind snow machine sled out from behind our garage and put it in our driveway. It was old and a tad rusty, and even had moss growing on it. I posted a message on our local FreeCycle group that I had a "snow machine trailer" available for pickup; first person to the house got it. I received nine replies in quick succession, plus one phone call.

These replies included questions like, "Do you have the title?" (a natural question if you're giving it away), and "Are the tires good?" I then realized what I had posted. I was thinking "snow machine trailer," as in, something you pull behind a snow machine. Others read it and thought it was a trailer on which to carry snow machines. Sigh...English is such an ambiguous language.

The lady of the house

cj@jjncj.com (Crystal Kugler) — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 11:37:59 +0000

On Monday we received a call from a non-profit organization asking for donations. They asked a couple of questions to which I answered no to. Then I was asked if MY parents were home. After I had recovered from the shock of being asked that, I explained that I am the lady of the house. The caller was very apologetic.

I then asked if I could be removed from their calling list. She needed her supervisor to do this. How hard is it to hit the delete key??

A New Software Development Model

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 11:41:27 +0000

Those of us who have been through software development, or sat through a software engineering course, learned about many different software development models: Waterfall, Iterative, etc. Larry Wall, the creator and "chief programmer" for Perl came up with a new one when asked "What criteria mark the closure of perl6 specification?"

It seems you are presuming a Waterfall model of development here. We're not doing the Waterfall, we're doing the Whirlpool, where the strange attractor whirls around with feedback at many levels but eventually converges on something in the middle. In other words, a whirlpool sucks, but the trick is to position your whirlpool over your intended destination, and you'll eventually get there, though perhaps a bit dizzier than you'd like.

I'm sure we'll see it in all the major text books in a few years.

How are you feeling?

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 08:22:44 +0000

You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.

Laughter is contagious...wonderfully so.

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 18:33:14 +0000

From the Comedy Barn in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee comes proof that no matter how hard you try, laughter is contagious. If you find this video on Youtube, you'll see the notes from the submitter that it is 1) his dad, and 2) that's his real laugh. Enjoy.

Model used for illustration purposes only

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 22:24:00 +0000

Tonight, I bring you an advertisement. Not a paid advertisement, or even an advertisement for something that I'd use. It's an advertisement for a birth control product. Now, before you get all bent out of shape, I didn't say I was promoting it, I just said that I was bringing you an advertisement. If you click on the picture to the right, you'll see all the names have been fuzzed out. If you've seen the ad, you probably recognize it.

So, why I am even posting about this? Humor, really. Down in the lower-left-hand corner of the add, there is a small disclaimer (in addition to the small print about one inch high across the entire bottom of the ad, which I cropped out). The disclaimer says this: "Model used for illustration purposes only." You can see it more clearly by clicking on the graphic to the left.

Now, English is a funny language. It can be, and often is, probably more than most other languages, ambiguous. According to Webster's, there are 14 different meanings for the word "model." In this case, these two are applicable: 1) "one who is employed to display clothes or other merchandise" and 2) "a usually miniature representation of something; also a pattern of something to be made" or "a type or design of product."

So, to which are they referring? If it is definition two, as seems likely, then they are saying, "That little t-shaped piece of plastic kind of looks like what we sell, but might not exactly." If, however, they are referring to definition one, which it would appear, as the disclaimer is printed directly on her likeness, it becomes rather humorous. Imagine this (expanded) disclaimer

The model you see here may not actually use the product we are advertising. In fact, she might not even like it. Her picture probably came from a stock photo agency, so she probably had no idea she was going to be promoting a birth control device until she picked up a magazine with this ad in it. You do not have to have red hair, brown eyes, or freckles to use this product, nor do you even need to be attractive. We just needed a pretty face to put on the page so you would stop and read this ad. Why? Because this ad is really targeted at men who do not want their woman to get pregnant, and do not want to go to the trouble of using a condom or (horrors!) patience to prevent pregnancy. If this ad was really targeted at women, we'd be using cute little cartoon characters that look like their dresses are made of flowers, and have petals for a headdress. Or babies....babies catch a woman's attention. But, as it was, we just wanted the cute red-head in the low-cut tank top to grab the men.

Personally, I lean toward that disclaimer. But your opinion may vary.

A place for everything

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 10:24:21 +0000

After reading this story my wife responded, "Rats belong in scientific studies, not fast food joints."

Well put.

Trained rabbits. No, really.

joshua@joshuakugler.com (Joshua Kugler) — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 10:41:49 +0000

I didn't know you could train rabbits.